i had a calendar in the closet and
i'd look at it every day or so to see
where i was at,
to see how many days i had left before i'd get out.
i marked off the time with little
marks on the wall using a small pocket knife,
marking little notches in the wood,
in the wall so i could count the days and the nights.
my body was getting thnner and thinner.
i was losing weight.
i was getting fevers at night.
my shoes didnt fit me anymore.
the drugs were making my eyes blurry
and the money in my wallet
was turning into sand.
i had piles of sand in the drawers.
the bathroom mirror was full of sand.
my shoes wouldnt fit me.
my fingers were getting too big for my hands.
i had to wear gloves but the only ones
i could find were red.
my room was red.
everything was red.
i tried to call my doctor and get more meds.
i tried to get in the elevator and go
to the 6th floor and play the piano
but it wouldnt go that high.
i tried to climb the stairs but the doors wouldnt open.
nothing worked right.
the pills were making me dizzy.
i couldnt sit up.
my legs looked long and lean
and i thought about buying new blue jeans,
but thinking about it gave me a
headache and made my ears ring,
it was really bad.